“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice”- Bob Marley
” Behavior never lies” – Gary Blair
I was admitted to the hospital 12/14/2014 to start the labor process for my son. Jhavier showed up to the hospital 12/17/14. Jhavier and I hadn’t spoken since about July 2014 around the time I was six months pregnant. There was so much turmoil between Jhavier and I during my pregnancy that I decided it was best that we didn’t speak. When I was admitted to the hospital I didn’t call Jhavier to tell him.
When Jhavier walked into the hospital room I was shocked. However if I’m going to be honest I was also happy. Even after everything we went through I was excited to know Jhavier wanted to see our son be born. When Jhavier walked through the door nothing matter not the domestic violence, not him beating my dog, not the Craigslist sex scandal nothing matter.
December 19 2014 I had a emergency C section and gave birth to my son Joshua. I named him Joshua because Joshua means savior. Joshua my son my savior.
Joshua weighed 9.8 pounds when he was born. He was rushed to the NICU because he was barely breathing. I was so scared for my son, and although my mother was by my side I wanted to see Jhavier. Our son was being rushed to the NICU and I didn’t know what to think. I blamed myself, and I blamed Jhavier. I blamed him for putting me through so much negativity while I was pregnant. I blamed myself for putting up with the drama for so long. Once again I was broken my son was hurting and I couldn’t do anything to fix that. The only person who could’ve imagined what I was going through was Jhavier. No one else could feel the pain, or understand my anxiety other than Jhavier. Joshua was our child our flesh and blood.
However after I gave birth to our son Jhavier was kicked out of the hospital due to his behavior. I watched the hospital security drag him out the hospital. That was the most painful and embarrassing moment of my life. I understood Jhavier probably was nervous about Joshua, but that didn’t excuse his behavior. The nurses and the doctors advised Jhavier’s behavior was unacceptable.
“Typical Jhavier” I thought to myself.
“Why couldn’t he hold it together for our son? Why couldn’t he hold it together for me” I thought as I began to cry out loud.
The next day I would spend all day running back and forth to the NICU bringing breast milk to my son. I decided that I would breast feed, and it was very hard. My son wouldn’t latch onto my breast so I had to pump my milk. Pumping milk was also difficult because I wasn’t producing a lot of breast milk. Not being able to breast feed my son made me feel extremely inadequate and sad. I felt like a horrible mom because of my breast feeding issues. No one told me how normal it is for women to have issues breastfeeding and because of that I felt sad. I felt guilty like maybe I wasn’t supposed to be a mother or I wasn’t fit to be a mother.
Jhavier finally came back to the hospital around 5:30 pm to finally meet his son. He came with a card with a handwritten note thanking me for choosing life and given birth to his first born son. He apologized for everything he put me through and promised to be the best father ever. He also came with a cloth flower from the gift shop.
“Maybe just maybe being a father will make him grow up” I thought to myself as I accepted the gifts.
Our son was in the NICU for 5 days. I stayed in the hospital everyday with him and so did Jhavier. We both slept in the same small hospital bed together every night. If I needed help with dressing Jhavier helped me. If I was hungry he would get me food and it felt like the old times were back. The old times when we were young and in love with no drama, no violence, just love. Jhavier was sweet, he was my protector. He was so in love with our son he held him whenever he could. My perfect family was coming together I thought to myself. I was happy even if it was just for the moment.
December 24th Christmas Eve 2014 Joshua was released from the NICU. I went home with my mother, and Jhavier went home to wherever he lived. Our time as a family was over. Reality kicked in as soon as we left the hospital. My little family was no more.
After I left the hospital Jhavier would call every couple of days to check on our son. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t call everyday but I realized our son couldn’t talk.
February 04 2015 I brought Josh to see Jhavier. Jhavier finally had time to spend with Joshua and I was happy to bring him. Jhavier was renting out a small bedroom in a boarding house for men. He lived on the top floor and had a small twin size bed. His bedroom door didn’t lock and there was one shared bathroom. Being the only woman in a house full of men made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be there, but I wanted to make sure Jhavier could spend time with his son.
Jhavier asked me if we could have sex. I declined. He seemed like he was okay with the rejection as long he still could be with his son. I was at Jhaviers house for about two hours and I asked him to pop some popcorn. He said no and told me to pop my own popcorn. The microwave was in the kitchen and I didn’t want to go into the kitchen with the men. The strange men in the boarding house who I did not know. I explained that to Jhavier and he became enraged.
“You think your better than me. Your too good to go to my kitchen.” Jhavier said as he snatched the popcorn from me and threw it out his third floor window. I realized at that moment that Jhavier did not change. He was still the same evil women beater and I felt dumb.
I started gathering my stuff and my son to leave. I had my son in one arm and his diaper bag in the other arm and I started walking to the door.
“Bitch you can leave but leave my son” Jhavier said as he pushed me. I feel onto the bed with my son in my arms. Josh was barely three months old. I felt like I failed as a mother again. I knew Jhavier was unstable and still I came to his room with the hopes of being a family. It was my fault that my infant son was subjected to the foolery.
Jhavier apologized and begged me so stay. I left with our son and told Jhavier I would never come back. I told him he could still see our son but I would not bring our son to him. He would need to make the arrangements. I left his room that day, and Jhavier didn’t see Josh again until Josh’s dedication on June 14 2015.
I learned that day that Jhavier would never ever change. No matter how much I wished he would change. My heart was broken. Jhavier showed me who he was and I should’ve believed him.
“This seems to be the most pro-criminal group of legislators I’ve ever seen” – Maryland Governor Larry Hogan
The next Morning after Jhavier my son’s father punched me in the face, and attempt to hit our son and myself with a car I woke up in extreme pain. My body was sore, and my I was emotionally drained. It was Memorial Day 2017 and I did not feel like celebrating. Staying in bed all day was my plan until my phone began to ring over and over again. It was Jhavier calling me because he wanted to pick our son up for the holiday.
“What is wrong with this guy? Does he not remember punching me in the face last night?” I thought to myself perplexed. I agreed to meet Jhavier at the playground in my apartment complex to do the exchange. I called 911 and advised them that Jhaiver was at my apartment complex. I advised the police that there was a warrant out for Jhavier’s arrest because he assaulted me the on the pervious day. I called the police early because the day before it took them almost 30 minutes to arrive, and I didn’t want to take any chances with Jhaiver.
30 minutes later Jhavier called again advising that he was at the playground waiting for me to bring our son. I called 911 and begged them to send a police officer to the scene as soon as possible. I advised them that I didn’t feel safe, and that Jhavier was too unpredictable. The 911 operator advised me that an officer was dispatched and someone should be there soon. In a panic I paced back and forth in my apartment not knowing what to do, or how the day would end.
Finally 50 minutes after I initially called the police two armed officers one a short black female, and the other a tall middle-aged black male knocked on the door. I opened the door and to my surprise the officers started treating me like a criminal.
“Where is the child” the female officer asked as she began looking around my apartment. I advised her that my son was with my mother and he wasn’t home.
“The father is outside and he has a court order that states he is supposed to have his son for the holiday” the male officer stated.
“Why does it feel like your questioning me when I called you? I called and advised that he Jhavier has an open warrant for punching me in the face yesterday and trying to him my son and myself with a car. You’re here for me when he punched me in the face. Look at my face” I said as my voice began to crack. I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore I reached my breaking point.
“How do you know he has a warrant” the male officer asked appearing to be unmoved by my tears or my last statement.
“We received a call from the male advising that he was supposed to have visitation with his son today, and the mother was being belligerent and preventing him from taking the child” Do you have proof” the woman officer asked.
I showed her the police report from the night before, and the male officer called to confirm the warrant was in the system.
“I called twice and you showed up because he called? The law is really just going to let this man harass me until he kills me” I said out loud to myself.
“If he kills you it will be your fault. You need to protect yourself. Domestic violence laws are a joke in Maryland. Get a restraining order and protect yourself” the male officer said to me coldly.
A few minutes passed and the officers confirmed Jhavier did in fact have a warrant out for his arrest. The officers came up with a plan to arrest Jhaiver without incident. Their plan was to allow Jhaiver to think he was going to be getting out son. Then they arrested him at the door to my apartment building. The police for some reason brought Jhavier to my apartment building and then arrested him. I spent almost three year hiding and never letting Jhaiver know where I lived only for the police to bring him to my door.
“I have to move now” is all I could think.
The officers handcuffed Jhavier, and he looked right up at me. I starred right back at him looking him in the eyes. I didn’t want him to see fear, or to see me upset. He didn’t deserve my tears, or my fear.
As the officer read Jhavier his right Jhavier began to break down and cry. “You’re a black man are you really going to arrest another black man” Jhavier asked the arresting officer. “They pay you to locked down and cage us like animals and you’re okay with being a pawn. A paid slave” Jhavier continued to say to the officer. The officer never responded as he placed Jhavier in the back seat.
“Is he seriously playing the race card right now?” I asked myself barely believing Jhavier was tacky enough to even use the race card in that moment. He was being arrested for attempting to kill a “black woman” but he felt as though the officer was a sell out for arresting him.
That is the moment where I really realized that Jhavier was a narcissus.
Jhavier would be held without bail for 48 hours. His girlfriend would end up texting me and I quote “too bad he knocked those glasses off not a smart move, but he’s not a bad man, and the courts will see that. You want him in jail so bad don’t you little girl.”
After 48 hours Jhaiver was given a bond, and able to bail out jail. He was free no house arrest or anything free. The judge advised him to stay away from me, and to have no contact. I didn’t feel safe knowing that Jhaiver was free and now knew where I lived.
Jhavier took an erroneous restraining order out on me claiming I beat him up which was later thrown out. Why the court even let him take that restraining order out on me I’ll never know. It was all lies, and I had to go to court to have it thrown out. Jhaiver was never punished for taking out an erroneous protective order, he wasn’t held in contempt for coming to court and blantly lying.
Jhavier was charged with second degree assault, and first degree assault which is a felony charge. He pled not guilty and asked for a jury trial. Read part 3 to find out what happens next.